Rockin' Out

My Defining Moment – Saying ‘No’ to Aqua Net

I’ve had a couple of defining moments in my life.

OK, maybe more than a couple, if I’m counting meeting my soul mate and marrying him, and then popping out a couple of truly amazing human beings.

But I’m talking about the inner ‘Ah-Has’  that really set my spirit and soul off in a specific life-defining direction, for me and me alone.

When was the last time you had one of those? And what did you do with it?

I know I’ve told you about my Ah-Ha-in-therapy moment where I was told that I actually wasn’t as vain as I thought I was. (and if you aren’t getting any Ah-Ha moments in therapy, please get a new therapist.)

One of my other big soul defining moments was when I made the decision to give up on a dream.

Once upon a time, me, a new friend that I hardly knew, my cat, and my spandex took a one-way road trip to La-La Land. I was going to become a rock star, and for the most part, I did—at least on a small scale. I rocked the fabulous big hair prerequisite look, I fronted two different bands, played lots of gigs.

At one point, Warren DeMartini of RATT (the dude on the far left) bought my band Warbride some studio time. I think he was jealous of my hair.

At one point I even had a chance to work with a high-end lawyer who wanted to steer me in the direction of a solo career, of which I felt way too loyal and principled to consider at the time. (insert eye roll here.)

It only took a few years for Hollywood to lose its glitz and glamour for me. No matter how much I tried to convince myself, I just did not have the heart or balls of steel to put up the phoniness, the never-ending struggle, and the disconnect from reality or real people.

One day it dawned on me that, even if I had ‘made it’ in society’s point of view, I would never be happy living in that environment.

This was not an easy self-discovery; but once I really let it sink and and take hold, I knew it was my truth. I knew it was time to give up the only dream I had ever had up until then and basically start over.

The thing is, it’s so easy to let others tell us–and for us to tell ourselves–that if we give up on a dream, we are FAILING. And that could not be farther than the truth.

Giving up on something because you are just feeling too lazy to do the work is tragic–but letting go of a dream that no longer suits you is the strongest and bravest thing you can do.

You are not failing, you are claiming your truth. That is a huge defining moment that is definitely a big-ass WIN.

Now this doesn’t mean it’s easy, or without doubts. I’d be lying if I didn’t sometimes wonder what would have happened if I let that lawyer turn me into the next Britney Spears. (Wait, can I at least say P!nk? Way more Badass.)

But in my heart of hearts, I know what would have happened. I would have been really happy until the reality of it all set in–because the sparkle and glamour would have only lasted so long, and I would have still been in that lonely, struggling, phony place. Just with more a lot more money to live in it.

I don’t know exactly how I was able to see that truth–at that stage in my young life I truly feel like it was just dumb luck. But I can say that the moment I made that decision, and followed through, I was clearly defining who I am. I was telling the Universe–and more importantly, myself–that I am only going to do things that feel true to who I am. That I am worth more than what living a lie of a life can give me.

That I can only be a true success when I am clearly defining who I am.

And that’s someone with sparkly genuine crystal balls, thank you very much.

Are you having doubts right now about who you are, where you belong, and what you are here for? It may be time to start looking inward for a new definition.

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