From Naughty Boys to Dirty Barbies

Talking about Fisher Price’s Naughty Boy toy in last week’s post got me on a nostalgic kick. (and that sentence has me thinking that would be a great name for a toy of the more adult variety. I’m just sayin’.) As I got a little older, one of the things I played with the most was my Barbies.

Gather ’round, my friends, it’s story-time.

Once upon a time, in the mid-70’s or so, (far out!) I had a good friend named Laura. She and I spent many an hour playing with our Barbies. Back in those days there wasn’t quite the variety of dolls that there is now, and as kids we didn’t get every Barbie or Barbie toy under the sun. But each of us owned something the other coveted; I had the more modern Malibu Ken, (whereas hers was the ol’ pasty-white crew cut variety with absolutely no muscles) and she had…drumroll please…the Barbie Townhouse.

I had the Airplane, the Camper and the Corvette…but oh, the Townhouse! It had a working elevator and everything!

Needless to say, once she scored that hot commodity, we played more at her house than at mine. And we got really creative.

One thing we both had was Quick Curl Barbie–she had wiry-ass hair that we thought was sooo glamorous because you could style it with the little plastic curling iron and it kept the shape! Magic! This lent itself perfectly to those girls being twin sisters. Who were very close and shared everything. And when one of the sisters had a hot boyfriend, (enter Suntan Ken) he often had a hard time telling these sisters apart, especially in a dark bedroom. You can see where this is leading, can’t you?

I don’t remember who’s idea it was, (ok, it was probably mine) but we decided it would be really funny to have Barbie and her boyfriend doing the nasty while the sister hid in the closet. Whilst Ken got up to use the bathroom after the super hot love-making session which entailed him laying on top of her, “1-2-3!” and done, the sisters traded places. Then Ken would come back all refreshed for Round Two with the other twin, none the wiser.

Now what makes this even funnier was the fact that Laura’s parents were very strict–you could not exclaim anything but “Jiminy Crickets!” in their house if you stubbed your toe, or cut your Barbie’s hair too short. Well of course Laura’s mother was outside her bedroom door, listening to our debauchery, and sent me right on home with a phone call to my mom.

Two innocent looking Naughty Barbie girls in their 70’s #prairiecore finest.

It was definitely my first walk of shame, and I was terrified. Lucky for me when I got home my mom just laughed and said, “Kids will be kids!” She probably didn’t get all of the juicy details as I’m sure Mrs. G did not want to repeat them, which probably kept me out of therapy. The End.

Do I have any sage wisdom to follow up this tawdry tale? Nope. Sometimes, girls just want to have fun.

Did you ever play ‘Dirty Barbies’ when you were young? Or have other sordid similar tales? I wanna hear your stories!!

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